When Anxious is married to Eager

I have this situation that I go through every single time I travel. It doesn’t matter if we are planning a trip by air or by sea; I have the terrible, soul eating feeling that something terrible is going to happen. The anxiety that I feel when we are going to hit the road often overwhelms me and tries to take over my brain.

Every single time…

When we went on our first trip together, we flew to California. The entire week prior to our flight I would pack my suitcases thinking that hopefully after the plane crashed, someone would find something of mine and give it to my family. (Huh?)

In 2005, the first time we went on a cruise ship, I was convinced that the Disney Wonder would sink while we were onboard. It took me an entire day at sea to finally feel at ease. (What?)

Even as Mike and I were packing for our trip to Germany this past April, I was writing goodbye letters to our kids. I just knew that we wouldn’t make it back alive. (Good grief)

Each trip we take we somehow make it back safely. Every time we get ready to travel again, the terrible feeling creeps back into my subconscious.

During the beginning years of our marriage, I would often tell myself that it was safer to just be home. “Why would you want to do that?” or “Why would you want to see that?” were two of my go-to phrases for trying to wiggle out of going anywhere with Mike. After saying it a few times, I quickly learned that it was tiring to try to talk my husband, the sky diving adventurer, out of wanting to travel and see the world. He’s the “eager” one in our relationship. He’s the “just imagine what we will see” guy, and I’m the “just imagine what could go wrong” girl.

But, with time, I have decided that there is no way that I want to be at home all the time when there are so many incredible places to see and beautiful people to meet.

To cope, I have created a process of getting ready for trips. I hit up YouTube, find some videos by fellow rvers or travelers, and start preparing my brain for what could go right. Yep, I seem to teach myself that the people in the videos made it out alive so maybe I will too. By the time the trip is upon us, I am pretty much ready to go, eagerly.

Right now, Mike and I have begun the “planning stage” of a forth coming trip across the country. He’s at the “eager” stage and I’m at the “anxious” stage. He’s thrilled and can’t wait to go; I’m running worst case scenarios in my head. However, by the time it’s “d-day” or we are ready to head out, I’ll be eagerly looking forward to the mysteries ahead of us. Until that wonderful day, I will anxiously be preparing my mind.

Your Truly,

Marlie

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